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Me Before

Before treatment (inpatient for PTSD and complex trauma 2016).


Me Before was different:


Before, I could not eat dinner (or most anything) without thinking about where I would throw it up.


Before, I could not get through a day without punishing myself... through self harm, starvation, vomiting, over exercise. Through cleaning, long hours or over use of alcohol.


Before, I could not see myself as a valuable participant to this society.


Before, I could not see that I could help others learn.


Before, I could not see that I was a light in the world.


Before, I had no voice.


"Before" (thankfully) is a fire with dying embers.


Now (with HARD work) "Before" is required to write a different story. Now, I can enjoy a meal...I still work at the internalized shame attached to eating three times a day, but I do eat regularly WITHOUT vomiting.


Now, I can spend days without spending time thinking about how/when to cut myself, or how I can fit in a 5 (or more) mile run (along with the miles of riding I do), or cleaning my living area "100 times" before I leave it, or working until I can not see straight.


Now, I can see I add to the world around me. That I can pass on the knowledge I have learned.


Now, I am able to acknowledge my ability to eduacte.


Now, I can see I am a bright light.


Now, I see I have a voice, a song and a dance.


To anyone out there who feels there MIGHT be an "After". Or who has questions about IF they have options on Before/After - please know there is a road to NOW.


Hang on to Now, it is what we have...


Best,

​Christina

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