The dark veil left by COVID - 19 is slowly being lifted.
I do not believe anything will really look the same as we regain our "sight".
Much has changed. Schools remain closed. Headlines highlight how organizations are currently developing their own new normal. It is an unprecended time for many learning to navigate to remain productive and viable.
Whether or not we are seeing "the other side" of this pandemic, I see many (including myself) as settling into a new normal.
It sure helps that the sun has been shining the last few days in New Hampshire. Our "stay at home" order has lifted a bit. To me it feels like we are getting let out to green pasture. Oddly exciting. As if we are galloping into an unknown.
This is a unique opportunity.
This world has been filed with COVID stories, and how the pandemic is reshaping our world. So it seems redundant and boring to prattle on about something that is being drilled into us through every avenue possible.
But maybe this is an opportunity?!
I saw a hilarious (and scary true feeling) post scrolling through Pintrest a few nights ago : "2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April."
I am not one to wish time away. But currently time seems to have stopped. I would not have minded that feeing when I was 19 and first in love. But now it seems like a sick joke. I woke up yesterday CONVINCED it was today. And from what I hear, I am not alone. Days simply merge into one another.
The new way of life that COVID 19 has presented us seems to be slowly "sinking in".
Although the theoretical peak of the virus has yet to hit Southern NH, it is here.
I am hoping hard that one week from today, the hospitals are still quiet. Unfortunately it seems evidence is slanted against that.
Anxiety and insecurity flavor all of our lives right now. Like it or not, during the day and at night, it is hard to avoid the taste of fear.
I sat down to type this with the realization that all of us are flooded with information on COVID 19.
It is tragic, scary and very real. The worldwide impact is mindblowing, and will continue to be. Mostly because humanity has never fought a battle like this.
Honestly I have been rooting for resilience and cultivating compassion very mindfully this week, almost to annoying levels ...if you ask the staff at DDF... trying to fight the flood of Coronavirus.
Now that push feels a bit like trying to stop a broken dam ...with pebbles. The water is rushing over, despite the last ditch efforts to stop its force.
Ask anyone I know, and they will agree (some with understanding) that I lead a mindfully insulated life. Mindfully insulated in a blanket of earth and animals...Dusty Dog Farm.
Each week I spend time thinking of horseback activities that would enable the lessons of courage, gratitude, forgiveness and compassion to "ring true" to the Farming For Resilience participants. I love spending time like this; thinking of games. I do it for the horses I train all the time, now I have the great privilege of doing it for humans. Games keep horses and humans engaged and thinking "outside the box".
Before treatment (inpatient for PTSD and complex trauma 2016).
Me Before was different:
Before, I could not eat dinner (or most anything) without thinking about where I would throw it up.
Before, I could not get through a day without punishing myself... through self harm, starvation, vomiting, over exercise. Through cleaning, long hours or over use of alcohol.
Before, I could not see myself as a valuable participant to this society.
Before, I could not see that I could help others learn.
Before, I could not see that I was a light in the world.
Before, I had no voice.
"Before" (thankfully) is a fire with dying embers.
Now (with HARD work) "Before" is required to write a different story. Now, I can enjoy a meal...I still work at the internalized shame attached to eating three times a day, but I do eat regularly WITHOUT vomiting.
Now, I can spend days without spending time thinking about how/when to cut myself, or how I can fit in a 5 (or more) mile run (along with the miles of riding I do), or cleaning my living area "100 times" before I leave it, or working until I can not see straight.
Now, I can see I add to the world around me. That I can pass on the knowledge I have learned.
Now, I am able to acknowledge my ability to eduacte.
Now, I can see I am a bright light.
Now, I see I have a voice, a song and a dance.
To anyone out there who feels there MIGHT be an "After". Or who has questions about IF they have options on Before/After - please know there is a road to NOW.
Hang on to Now, it is what we have...
We need your support!